It is often said that the vocalist is the face of the band. Becoming the vocalist, I was able to understand this for the first time. Of course, the reason for that isn't that the vocalist is good looking. As the band's first line of defense, he is the one who sends the band's thoughts out to the listeners. I think this is what it means to be the "face."

Being the vocalist, wanting to be able to send my thoughts out to people's hearts was certain death. I was approaching a delicate time in my life. It was probably around that time when I became really serious towards music.

I could have led a materially rich life in the entertainment industry, but the industry left a mark, and I began to think that there was no productive job for me.

The shape of music remained. Having the things that I did turn into finished form [lit: shapes] was great. I began to feel strongly about it.

There were also words that a certain person said to me which I owe to them for giving me a new life. He said this to me when I was a child and had heard something that hurt me.

"There is surely meaning in this. However, shouldn't you make this into tangible form and leave [a mark] behind?"

Out of everything that I had, the only thing that I could make into tangible form was music. With music, I formed my thoughts this way.

I wanted to know the significance of my existence. If there were things that people who weren't me could do, that was all right. I was always searching for things that only I could not do.

With my music, I wanted to reach a world where I had to express myself.

When this feeling had become firm, being the vocalist, sometimes I talked about if I should go solo.

Perhaps it was a big chance. However, I felt that I promised myself to first see what it was like to be in a band, and I wanted to be able to have the band experience. I felt that I should not yet go solo.

At the same time, through a friend, I was introduced to Mana (the leader of Malice Mizer, which was then on hiatus). The person who I met him through said "The members are pretty interesting characters." I saw their outlook on the world on their CD jacket, and I also thought they were interesting, and I became interested in going to meet them.

I drove from Kyoto to Tokyo and met Mana in Ikebukuro.

The first time I saw Mana, I was drawn to him [note: I THINK this is what he is saying. Mana はかなり引いていた. Someone confirm/tell me the correct meaning?]. The feel [lit: nagare = current] of the entertainment industry was in him, and he looked just like I expected him to. His hair was long and tied in the back.

Because in the culture of Tokyo, people didn't have cars, I suddenly found myself, as a sportscar-driving, suit-wearing man, commonly being asked, "What company do you work for?" Mana being an extremely wary sort of person, I thought he would ask me that same question.

But then, he said: "You don't look like a musician." Certainly, I might have looked like a host or a yakuza at that time.

However, Mana being Mana, he was dressed in a female goth style. He had on long pants, and high heel sandals that looked like wooden clogs. His face was covered by a wide hat and sunglasses…

I was drawn to him. If you put the two of us together, it would be a very unbalanced picture.

We didn't really have much of a conversation. I remember most what I talked about with Mana's friend who came along with him.

After that, we went to Kozi's (guitar) house, but when Kozi and I saw each other, I was drawn to him as well. He had red hair and he was growing a beard. Three of us, three different people. Our conversation didn't go anywhere.

The thing that broke the silence was Kozi's words.

"Is there anywhere in Tokyo where you'd like to go?"

In those days, when I had a problem, I would try to go to the headquarters of the Aum Supreme Truth cult at Aoyama.

Even though it was the middle of the night, there were a great many reporters out.

"What are you guys doing?"
"We don't know."
"Are you staying in Tokyo?"
"We don't know."

Somehow at 2 AM, the three of us wound up standing in front of the Aoyama Aum Cult Headquarters, and we viewed the riot of reporters with a feeling of relief.

After that, we went to Mana's house, and began delicately discussing the band.

"What instruments do you play?"
"Generally, I can play them all."

Then I played the keyboard there and sang.

I also told them my opinion of Malice Mizer's songs. I didn't dislike the gothic-like world that Mana wanted to create.

However, things that exist solely for the purpose of being looked at have to have their gilding stripped away some time. You can't just say "I'm making this in gothic form." If you can't put both substance and Medieval Europe into the center of something, it's no good.

We talked about this for three days. During this, I thought that the members of Malice Mizer were very fun people. Speaking in terms of their musical ability, they weren't very advanced.

However, they were fun. This moved my heart. I decided to join Malice Mizer.

I dropped everything and moved to Tokyo: my jobs as a host and a dealer, and the large income that came with that.

With my girlfriend, though we weren't married, I thought that I wasn't going to break up with her because I was moving to Tokyo.

Of course, we had a conversation about the two of us going to Tokyo together. However, if we went there, we would have no income. For a while, I couldn't get her to agree.

If I couldn't believe that taking her with me would be a good idea, then it was better that we break up. We talked about that.

There was nothing holding me back.

Of course, there were people who said "he's quitting this job because he thinks he's too good for us." Since I'd made up my mind about it, if there was someone who opposed me on this, I would just stop associating with that person.

If there was something I was clinging to, I would certainly have to come back. In order to have a reason to come back to Kyoto, I needed an excuse.

I hated to have an escape route. That absolutely negates success.

I was confident that I would have success. There was no point in placing safeguards to fall back on.

My target at that time was Asia. It wasn't Tokyo. It wasn't Japan.

I was serious. If I could make the world I envisioned into finished form, I could win over misguided Asia! What was in front of my eyes was, of course, the world.

I love European music. However, the field of my own music and the music that I like is different. The words are also different. The race of people is also different. I am Asian. Being Asian and gaining Asia is a gateway to the world. In Malice Mizer, I could do it!

That is the truth. After that, this thinking affected my entire way of behavior. That is the point from where I began to live.

TRANSLATOR'S NOTES
To tell the truth, I wasn't sure what I expected from this section. Sari at Gakuhai gave a short summary the other day, and the chapter basically branched out from that, but I still was surprised that Gackt felt so strongly about joining Malice Mizer. The reasons that he gave also threw me a bit, though I guess they shouldn't have. It's not really surprising that he joined Malice Mizer to get an edge on music before he went solo, and I think that they really are better apart.

I might be getting myself into a hornet's nest here, but I would like some thoughts on Gackt's influence on Malice Mizer from you all. Here in this book we have Gackt meeting Malice Mizer and Gackt leaving Malice Mizer, but he never talks about what happened in between and how the band changed him and how he changed the band. I guess this has been talked about to death, but since we have a little clearer perspective both on his joining and leaving...well, if you want to, leave a note.

Flames will be deleted -_- Don't flame in my LJ.

And the DA GA wasn't too bad. Only about 4, plus or minus some. >.> And I was looking up some kanji today and I found DA GA in my electronic dictionary. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Women, cars, and Hyde coming up next (probably Sunday).

Someone asked about the Aum Supreme Truth Cult that Gackt mentioned. Aum Shinrikyo was the religious cult responsible for Sarin gas attacks on the Tokyo subways in 1995. You can read about the group here.

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