Three years ago, I went to Madagascar. A small island country on the east side of the African continent, its area is 1.6 times the size of Japan and it has a population of about 1,600,000.

I went to do some work for NHK. When they told me about it, I thought that I could do some soul-searching there. At that time, I was really in need of that.

It was my second year going solo. While I was continuing with my musical activities, I was searching for how I could aim for what I wanted in my own style.

We went to villages where things like "Madagascar Wrestling" and "Madagascar Boxing" were popular.

Truthfully, it was amazing. When we arrived at the village, the villagers were all high from smoking marijuana [#1]. And yet, because each and every day they would walk many kilometers, draw water, till the soil on their land, such a lifestyle molded their bodies into something resembling sculptures.

These guys get into really spirited fights without using boxing gloves.

It must be instinct.

People form a ring around these fighting guys, and the women and children of the village watch the fight. It's actually like a fight between two male lions to see who gets the female lion. It was also a place to test the strength of the men.

Naturally, there were also people who went in there who were insignificant. That was really frightening. Just by watching it, I was also feeling very afraid. The muscular strength of the fighting men. All the African people had muscles of steel.

At first, I was just watching. Then, the director started asking me.

"Gackt-san, do you want to go in?"

"When you say 'do you want to go', are you going to make me go?"

At that time, someone finished their match, and I decided to go. I wanted to fight a Madagascar person!

About 100 people, adults and children, gathered around, forming a giant circle around me.

It was the first time this had ever happened. In that fashion, in the midst of people I didn't know, I was standing alone, surrounded.

Being the underdog like this was also a first for me. From the bottom of my heart, I was insignificant. However, at the same time, my heart was pounding. In this event, there was no place I could run to, and in this kind of dangerous situation, I was really excited and nervous.

I was standing in the center of a ring of sand, which made for a lousy foothold, and right in front of me I could see 4 or 5 energetic African guys.

On that side, in a reckless, wild tone, a guy who seemed like a coach was stirring up people. In the native language, he would say things like "You can pick anyone you like."

I was a competent fighter. Was I going to become stupid? We exchanged words. I glared at the man and said:

"Can't you fight me? I want to fight you."

In that instant, all the villagers around me burst out in a loud roar.

"Coach, you can do it!"

Their eyes gleamed with excitement.

"Me?"

Seeing their facial expressions, the man unfastened his garment and took it off. Under it appeared pure black skin without a trace of fat. He was definitely a suitable opponent!

It was no wonder that the villagers cheered loudly. No, no, he had one of those unbelievable physiques. I couldn't compare him to any other opponent.

However, I didn't draw back. Above the crowd of villagers that was being stirred up, I felt a strange tension rising.

I didn't really know the rules. It was no good to punch or kick, and it was explained to me that the only way to win was to make the person's face or shoulder hit the ground.

It was a very primitive sort of explanation. However, it was enough for me. If I tried it, then I would know if I could do it or not, and with that, I challenged him to a match.

However, the second the match started, I was punched.

"Hey, you just said that I couldn't hit you!"

And then, a change came over me. The battle that had been sleeping inside me awakened.

In that instant, I thought that I was going to kill my opponent. It was an awareness of my own self that I had forgotten, and I was prepared to break his neck. His neck was just below me, twitching. All the villagers and the referee came running in a panic, taking my hand and stopping me.

Then, the match was ended. Though they had promised me three fights, it was stopped only after one.

My opponent was also very agitated and excited. After he got back up, he was saying "Let's go another round!"

"What are you saying? You almost died!"

I would watch the footage of that time over and over after that.

My eyes were very dangerous. The staff in the office said severely, "We can't let the fans see that!"

However, I had already clearly confirmed it. This was my true nature.

I thought that that part of me had been buried deep inside me from a long time before. With this foundation in place, it didn't mean that I was a violent person, but that more and more, I had to liberate this spiritual side of me.

At that time, not being able to pursue the things that I felt, the things that I fought for, and also the works that I wanted to produce was no good. More and more, it was no good if the weak parts of myself and the dangerous parts of myself couldn't come together.

When I was ten years old, I was a dangerous cluster of things.

However, before I knew it, I had completely suppressed the dangerous parts of myself.

I was bound up by rules, and it was like I had been imprisoned inside of a jail cell of myself. Whenever the wild part of myself would appear, I concealed it, and at that time, I really felt that I had curbed that part of me.

After the match, the village chief came out and said:

"In this far land, in the midst of hostile soil and many spectators, you put forth strength, took a step forward, and fought this battle. This strength is now sent out to all the young people who were watching you fight. Thank you."

That was what he thought.

I said, "What I was meant to do, the way that I was meant to fight, the way that I was meant to be…it was this way."

After I came back from Madagascar, I wondered if I had changed a great deal. I became sociable. It was strange to be sociable with others. I became more conscious of the other people around me.

One explanation is that whenever I thought the situation was becoming dangerous, I would ask myself if I should start become active or not, and I would always act more actively than I had in the past. Regarding who I used this on, I would fight anyone, even if they were a friend. However, if that was the case, I began thinking about that recently.

More than just curbing my lifestyle, I was killing myself by not being able to put essential parts and dirty parts into the same person. That applies both to my activities and the things I produced. I became more aggressive than I had been before.

The people around me also began to change. After I came back from Madagascar, until then I had by a mysterious twist of fate, been meeting many different people. Now, around me are people who I call my "family" and are bound to me through mutual relationships.

I think that this thing called "fate" is something that comes forth from each individual person, and it carries us along.

My inner self changed, so did my fate change as well?

When the power of thoughts meets the power of action, a result is born. That is what I think.

[1] マリファナでキマって、飛びまくっていた。

TRANSLATOR'S NOTES
First of all, I'd like to say that I am pretty sure that marijuana sentence is correct, but can't hurt to double check with someone.

This is the first chapter in a while that I've translated where Gackt tries to teach his readers a lesson. I am also noticing a general degradation of coherent thought the farther I go in the book. Oh well, Gackt. We should at least give him points for trying.

Apparently Gackt has a lot of issues about his childhood that don't just have to do with drowning in the ocean, but just a lot of rebellion. You usually don't think of Gackt that way, because he really doesn't project that kind of image nowadays, but I suppose it is rebellion that leads a lot of young men to leave home and join rock bands.

Lastly, please read this post about me and deliveries if you haven't already. Again, I'm not trying to bash anyone, and I'm not saying that anyone is stupid or anything. Just want to set the record straight.

I have 3 chapters left in Section 4 and 5 chapters left in Section 5 to translate. We'll see how long it takes me. I wanted to have the book done by Christmas but I don't know if that's going to happen...

back to section 3 chapter 4 | to section 3 chapter 6
back to Jihaku main page