Gundam Wing is property of Sotsu Agency, Bandai Studios, and TV Asahi. Sainan no Kekka and all original characters and plot copyright 2000 by Quicksilver and Gerald Tarrant. Please ask permission before reposting.

 
SHIN KIDOU SENKI GUNDAM WING

SAINAN NO KEKKA
ACT III, PART III

 

Kanarazu yume wa kanau to shinjiteru
Inochi ga hateru made
In love with you Do anything for you

Atsuku moeagaru ai koete
Yami ni hikasakareta kokoro ni
Ima chikau inochi kagayaku sekai
Sore ga anata e no ai no akashi

I believe that my dream will surely come true
Until my life ends
In love with you Do anything for you

Love surpasses the hot flames
In the dark it shone in my heart
Now swear life will light the world
This is the revelation of your love

--Gundam Wing, Brightness and Darkness
[Lady Une image song]

 
 
Scene XIII: Stripping Away the Lies

 

"Sometimes I hear my voice
And it's been silent all these years."
--Tori Amos, Silent All These Years

 
Quatre stretched slowly, feeling the tension in his neck. He'd been working twenty hour days ever since the entire mess with the press had began.He'd given a brief, meaningless conference as he waited for his sister Yaminah, a lawyer who specialized in international law, to arrive.

Jaffa had summoned his entire family, and he was overwhelmed. He hadn't seen them all in the same place before (hell, he couldn't even remember meeting a few of them before!), and he was amazed. One by one the Winner Women had learned the truth about what their seemingly innocent younger brother had been up to during the war, and he had been surprised at how supportive each of them was. Even his youngest sister, whom he had been at odds with, had returned when he needed her.

Think of the devil, he thought with weary amusement as the door swung inwards. He felt, more then saw, Reeshya's presence. Her emotions danced along his uchuu no kokoro pleasantly. She set down a tray on his desk, pushing aside the laptop he'd been pounding on. "You need to sleep," she said, her voice light and sweet.

Quatre looked up at her, staring into her eyes. She had a definite Arabic cast to her features, and he wished that he looked more like her. Iria and Lilah had been the only other blondes, and both were now beyond his reach. Sometimes it would be nice to look at someone and see himself reflected back in their face- wasn't that what family was for, at least partially? "I can't sleep, Ree. I've got to prepare the Group for my inevitable absence."

Reeshya sighed and forced a glass of juice into his hands. "Drink," she ordered.

Barely able to keep from laughing, he took a few sips to appease her, then tried to hand the glass back. Her glare had him draining it with a slightly resentful look on his angelic features. "I don't even want to know what you put in there."

She tsked. "Just a few sedatives. Yaminah is coming tomorrow, and- well, Jaffa thinks it'll be time to go public." She paused for a second. "You'll have to tell Bartlett soon."

The mild headache which he'd become so much a part of his life increased exponentially. "I don't want to," he whined, sounding like a petulant child.

Reeshya came around the desk and wrapped him in a warm embrace. His eyelashes fluttered closed as he reveled temporarily in her warmth, feeling her love for him. "I understand," she said. "You want Bartlett to respect you."

He went rigid. "I what?!" he exclaimed. "I can't stand him anymore then he can stand me!"

"Then why haven't you fired him?" she asked quite reasonably.

Quatre blinked owlishly. "I..." he started, then stopped, unable to think of any justification. Bartlett had been making his job more difficult, not easier. The man should have been fired and replaced by a different aide a long time ago.

Reeshya ran a fine-boned hand through his hair the way she might have used to soothe a startled cat. "Bartlett and Father were close. You never earned Father's respect, so I think you're trying to get Bartlett's as a form of redemption.

"But you see, that won't work. Father is dead, Quatre. You can never change what he thinks, because he's not around anymore to do so. I loved him, but to be honest, I don't think he ever would have forgiven you for piloting a Gundam. He was a stubborn man. Once he made up his mind, he never changed it.

"Quatre, you knew that when stepped into the cockpit. You knew that Father likely would never forgive you. You coped with that for a while, but I don't you ever accepted it. You'll have to if you're going to be able to function. Bartlett is not Father. Fire him. Accept that. Let Aisha take his place- you need someone you can trust without reservation."

"Ree-" Quatre started to argue, but was cut off by a yawn.

His eyes closed as the sedatives hit his system. Magnified by his exhaustion, he really had no chance of fighting it. Damn meddling sisters, was his last thought as he heard Reeshya ask Rashid to put him in bed.

Quatre woke feeling refreshed and resentful. He hated it when one of his sisters decided she knew what was best. From the way the light was falling across the bed, he had slept well into the morning. Rolling to his feet, he muttered something inappropriate about what he was going to do when he caught up with Reeshya.

A cheerful knock sounded on the door and it swung open. Jaffa sailed in with Kasserine on her heels, carrying two trays of food. "Good morning, sleepyhead! You're awake!" she declared in a voice so full of alert happiness that he wanted to strangle her. Morning people should be shot, he thought grumpily.

"No thanks to Reeshya," he said resentfully.

Jaffa laughed and ruffled his hair. "I put her up to it, so get mad at me. Yaminah will be arriving in about ten minutes, so you'd better get dressed. Then we'll do breakfast as we discuss the situation."

Quatre's eyebrows flew to his hairline. "WHAT!?" he exclaimed. "We should have met her at the spaceport! Why did you let me sleep in?" He yanked the clothes Kasserine offered him away from the manservant, making a mad dash for the bathroom.

"You needed sleep! Allah knows that you're not going to be able to get any in the near future, so enjoy it while you can!" Jaffa called to his retreating back.

He emerged a few minutes later, his hair still damp from the shower. Kasserine had selected one of his oldest, most comfortable, outfits, and Quatre was grateful when he saw the woman who had arrived while he had been preparing.

Not all of the Winners had the same mothers, and no one would have picked Yaminah as one of his sisters because of that. Her mother had been African, and her dark skin showed that heritage. She had the same bone-structure and tar-black hair as Jaffa, though, and her eyes were the beautiful blue he saw whenever he looked into a mirror. She looked at him, and he bowed. He had never met her before. "Good morning," he said softly.

She gave him a solemn smile that reminded him of Trowa. She had a watchfulness about her that would help her fade into the background, but he knew that if she was one of his sisters, she would be brilliant. All the Winner offspring were genetically engineered to be, after all. "Hello, Quatre," she said, her voice a husky alto. "Why don't we have breakfast, and discuss things?"

He nodded. She was one of his older sisters, so she was probably in her thirties- too old for him to really know. The age difference between them was just too much to cope with. It was odd meeting a sister for the first time when you were seventeen.

Jaffa picked up her knife and neatly cut an egg. "Quat, I told Yaminah the situation. I think it'd be best if she acts as your chief counsel. We'll hire a team of lawyers, of course, but I want someone we can trust in charge."

He smiled at her shyly. "Thank you, Yaminah, for agreeing to help, especially considering you don't know me."

The coffee-skinned woman nodded. "We're family, Quatre."

"Jaffa, so you know, I signed legal control of the Winner Group over to Naadira. She's run it in the past- it's better she does so now."

"Agreed."

They ate slowly. "I arranged a press conference for six tonight. Our public relations-" Jaffa was interrupted by the door slamming and Bartlett rudely barging in, Aisha trying to pull him out.

"Please, Mr. Bartlett-" she said, looking slightly flustered.

The older man was having none of it. He stalked over to Quatre. "For the past week, I've been cut out of the loop. I've never seen such a gathering of your familty before. Then I hear that you've scheduled a press conference without informing me. SOMETHING is going on, and I demand to know what it is!"

Quatre felt a lump swell in his throat. He looked at Jaffa for support, and she nodded. "Yes, Bartlett, there is something going on." He took a deep breath, trying to find the words. "It's about the war. I fought in it- I fought in a Gundam- I mean, I was a Gundam pilot," he rambled nervously.

Bartlett started to breathe heavily. "You're not funny, Quatre!" he snapped at him.

"It's not a joke," Quatre said.

Bartlett pulled out a hankerchief and dried his suddenly soaking face. The little BRAT, he thought angrily. "You- you-" he began, unable to find the right words to express his rage. "What would your father have said?" he demanded angrily.

"He wasn't happy," Quatre admited. "It's one of the reasons father and I fought so much- I just couldn't agree with his philosophies on pacifism. You can't always turn the other cheek. Sometimes you have to fight for what you believe in, to keep those you love from having to fight, to keep them safe," he said. "I don't regret my decision. But you see, when the news comes out, there's going to be trouble- we'll be sued, assassination attempts..." he paused as Bartlett went to his knees.

Bartlett looked at the golden boy in front of him, not able to believe his ears. Quatre was lying... he wasn't old enough to do anything. Why, Bartlett could remember the boy trailing his father at work with hero-worship in his eyes. "Your father won't think this joke is funny," he murmured, wondering why he suddenly felt so tired. It felt strange- his chest, that was. Someone was pressing down on hard, and wouldn't let go. His eyes started to flutter, and he fell back, deciding that a nap wouldn't be amiss.

"Quick, he's having a heart attack!" one of the women in the room said. "Get Tikia- she's a doctor!"

He felt sharp stings on his cheeks. "Don't you DARE go to sleep!" the same woman ordered.

Quatre sat on the couch, stunned, as Yaminah slapped Bartlett regularly while Jaffa raced to find Tikia, who was a neurosurgeon.

"I gave Bartlett a heart attack..." he whispered, then did something he'd never done before. He fainted as Tikia raced into the room.

She loosened his shirt and began to check his vitals. "Call an ambulance!" she commanded.

When Quatre woke up, Reeshya and Jaffa were sitting at his bedside. Memory came flooding back. "I killed Bartlett."

Reeshya hurried to reassure him. "No, Quatre, you didn't. It was a mild heart attack- you know how he lives. He had it coming for years."

"But I shocked him into it," the blonde whispered sadly.

Neither woman could argue that. "Quatre-" Reeshya said, then stopped. "He'll be fine. Tikia took care of him, and Aisha is staying with him until his family arrives. The doctor says with some bed rest, he'll be fine. He had high blood pressure- it was just waiting to happen."

"It wasn't your fault, love," Jaffa said. "You can't afford to dwell on it right now. You can figure out what to do about Bartlett later- Aisha and myself can take over his job. I acted as father's hostess, so I do have some skills, and Aisha often substituted for Bartlett. You need to concentrate on the current problem- your public announcement."

"You have to start preparing," Jaffa agreed. "You leave for your conference in 45 minutes," Jaffa said, handing him a glass.

"More sedatives?" he asked hopefully.

"No. You need to be alert. Keep it short, simple, and do NOT answer any questions. Rashid has the men ready to get you in and out as quickly as possible- after that, you're going to go to one of our holdings, and we're going to barricade it. You're going to lie low until charges are pressed, and Yaminah is going to try to get into contact with Lady Une. We're looking into a lawsuit against the paper- you're still legally a minor. That may work to our advantage."

Quatre nodded. "I really hate juice."

"That's irrelevant," Jaffa said, cuffing him. "Would you pay attention?"

"I am... but if I pay too much attention, I'm going to have a nervous breakdown."

"You're awful."

"Thanks."

The time until the conference went too quickly for him. He found himself hustled into a limousine, and finally he was outside the auditorium his family had reserved.

The flash of cameras and artificial lights blinded him, and he walked forward, calmly making his way through the crowd. He felt a serenity he hadn't known he possessed, and suddenly it was as though he was outside his body, no more then a somewhat interested observer.

He mounted the dais and walked through, raising a hand to still the questions that were being thrown at him like a powerful baseball pitch. The crowd quieted, seeming to sense that something important was about to happen.

Quatre looked out over the audience, saw his sisters scattered throughout the crowd to show their support, and saw Rashid's men as well. Suddenly he was confident, and it was with the maturity of the Head of the Winner Group, Tactician of the Gundam Pilots, and heir of his father's legacy of power that he spoke. His words were simple, but they changed the course of his life:

"My name is Quatre Raberba Winner, and I am a Gundam pilot."

 


 
Scene IX: Missing Clowns and Catherine's Anger

 

"Dis-moi simplement si tu veux de moi
Quand tu partiras la bas."
[Only tell me that you still want me here
When you wander off out there]
--Anggun, La Neige au Sahara

 
"You're lying," Catherine said, staring the ringmaster in the face. "You're bloody lying, and I want you to tell the truth right now. Where did you hide my brother?"

"You know I would never lie to you, Catherine."

"Dammit," she said, feeling her hands ball into fists, crushing the newspaper she held. She never cursed. "Dammit. Damn you to hell!"

The ringmaster said nothing. Her face was hot and through the haze of tears in her eyes she could see him looking at her with sad eyes. "You're hiding him, right. You're hiding him until the riots are over and then he can come out again. Right? RIGHT?"

"Catherine, I-"

"DAMN YOU! DON'T LIE TO ME!"

She couldn't stop the tears from coming, but she could turn away so he couldn't see her tear-stained face. She hated it when people saw her cry. She hated crying. She did it all too often for her own liking, and lately it had been all for the one person in the world that she loved more than anything.

Trowa.

She'd known when she woke that morning in the dark that something was not right, that the familiar presence was gone. His bed was neatly made, blankets folded, like it had never been slept in. The circus props were stacked neatly to the side. His clothes, his shoes, his personal belongings, were gone. She'd rushed to the ringmaster's office, where he had shown her the newspaper. It was bad. Very bad. At least the identities of the pilots hadn't been publicly released, but that was only a matter of time before everything was out in the open and there was no place for Trowa to run.

She'd known he would leave. Sooner or later. She had been hoping that it would be later, and that he would tell her before he went, at least wake her up and say his solemn goodbyes, that it was not the end and that he would come back. But that wasn't Trowa. To spare her pain, she knew, he would leave without telling a soul, and it would be like he had never existed.

But he had existed. To her, he had been her universe.

"Catherine, are you all right?"

"What does it look like?" she spat in the ringmaster's general direction. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, trying to stop crying, trying to shove away that yawning emptiness that had once been her heart.

She heard him sigh, rest a hand on the corner of his desk. "I would have told you, but your brother wouldn't allow it."

Catherine took a few shuddering breaths, staring fiercely at the wall. "I know. He would want to protect me, right? He wouldn't want me coming after him. It would endanger both of us. Right?"

She couldn't see him nod, but she knew she was right.

"I'm sorry," he said again, as if it was any consolation.

"So am I," she retorted, feeling the tears at the corners of her eyes again. Better to leave before she embarrassed herself any further.

The grounds were wet from the early morning dew, and a few hands and performers were milling about, drinking coffee and making idle chatter. She pushed by them, ignoring the queries and concerned shouts when she didn't respond. Catherine, not wanting to talk to them? Catherine was the friendly one, the one who would always go out of her way to make sure that everyone was included.

Her brother, on the other hand, was an odd one. He was so quiet. But he was nice enough, they supposed, and some of the girls thought he was cute. She knew what they thought.

She reached her tent, panting, and threw herself onto the mattress, sobbing into her pillow. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair in any sense of the word, even though life was not supposed to be fair and everyone always got the short end of the stick. Why did it always have to be her? Why couldn't she protect her brother like she had vowed? How had she let him get away from her?

She understood Trowa and yet she didn't. As soon as she thought she had him figured out, he would show her another side of himself that she had never seen, confuse and dazzle her with his many secrets, and leave her floundering for a foothold in his world once again. It was his world that she had tried to penetrate, not he into hers, and it was proving to be much more difficult than she had ever thought it would be.

Trowa had been a Gundam pilot, and all the Gundam pilots held secrets. Yet it was Trowa's secrets that she feared the most. Not Quatre's, not Wufei's, not Duo's, not even Heero's. Because she loved Trowa. Because he was her brother, her own flesh and blood, and it was her duty as a sister to care for him.

But she couldn't do that if he wouldn't let her.

I'm here for you, Trowa...I'm always here. Why won't you let me be here for you?

She turned over, staring at the tent ceiling, wiping her eyes and sitting up. There was work that needed to be done and practice at noon. She should cancel practice. She didn't trust her coordination as of now, and Trowa was...gone.

Gone.

The word was so final. So relentless in its stabbing of the human spirit. Like a death knell.

She wouldn't cry. Standing, Catherine dragged herself out of bed and into the corner where her closet stood, changing into a pair of comfortable cotton pants and a loose green top. It was a normal day. Just another normal day, like before Trowa had come to the circus. She could get by, right?

She wondered what he was doing. Where he had gone. Why he hadn't taken her with him.

The answer to that last question was obvious. He was a Gundam pilot, and she was a circus performer. Whatever physical strength and agility she had was nowhere near his, as she had seen time and time again at something as simple as circus practice. He learned new tricks without even batting an eye or overexerting a muscle, memorized complex routines in no time at all. He never missed, never faltered, performed everything that was required of him with calm and precision.

That was what irked her. Trowa was always calm. Always precise. Too precise. He wouldn't bend the rules, even a little bit. She'd beg, she'd plead, she'd wheedle, she'd promise him all sorts of things if he would just try something her way for once, and he would silently shake his head no. Always a shake of the head. Final.

The circus is about creativity, she'd say. Come on, Trowa. I think this would work a lot better.

And he'd smile slightly and shake his head. We're breaking the rules.

She could never figure out if he was taking everything too seriously or nothing serious enough. If that made sense.

She was starting to cry again.

Striding to the washbasin, she scrubbed her face until it felt raw, trying to remove the traces of tears, though it was obvious that she had been crying. Did her hair up in two bows, put on her most confident smile, and marched out of the tent.

He could have told her. Could have asked her if she wanted to go with him. She would have been good. She had some physical training...she could keep up with him, wherever he was going. She was certain of it. Selfish brat. That's what he was. Selfish. A brat. Selfish brat.

"Catherine! What's up?"

She ducked behind a tent, hoping the owner of the voice would pass her by, but the blond boy peered into her hiding place, face puzzled.

"Cat? You all right?"

"Just go away," she growled. "Go away!"

She could sense his puzzlement, but he didn't argue, the edge in her voice making him think twice about asking her anything else. She heard him trot away, the water pail swinging against his leg with a banging noise.

Sinking to the ground, she buried her head against her knees and cried.

"Catherine?"

She didn't look up, just cried harder. She heard someone kneel beside her, felt a hand stroke her back, her hair, and she couldn't stop crying.

"Catherine...I'm so sorry..."

"He didn't say a word," she bit out between the sobs. "Not a word! I thought he loved me. I thought...I'm his sister, dammit. He just left..."

"The ringmaster told me," the voice said. "I would offer my condolences, but it wouldn't help much now, would it?"

She shook her head wordlessly, choking on a sob and taking a deep breath. "Please...leave."

"You know me better than that." The voice sounded reproachful, and there was a soft thunk as a bag or a bale of hay dropped to the ground in front of her. "Come on. Look at me."

She raised her eyes, glaring at the face in front of her. "It's not fair."

"Of course it's not," the kindly voice of the circus' acrobatics trainer said. "I would tell you life is not fair, but you probably already know that."

That almost made her smile. "Thank you, Karen."

"Any time." Karen folded her legs underneath her, putting an arm around Catherine's shoulders. "I guess practice is canceled for you two today. And you'll have to find a new partner...oh dear."

"No!" She shook her head vehemently. "I'm not finding a new partner. I'm not finding any partner. Trowa'll be...Trowa'll be home...any day now, and...and it will be all right. I won't perform with anyone but him. Nobody!"

"Shhh. Of course you won't."

"You're patronizing me," Catherine said fiercely. "I won't be patronized. I don't need sympathy."

"Have it your way."

"He never said a word..." she twisted her fingers hard against each other. "Not a damn word. Up and left...in the middle of the night. He didn't even...he didn't even say goodbye."

"Does that bother you more?"

Catherine gave her a confused look.

"Does the fact that he left bother you, or is it the fact that he never said goodbye?"

The question was too hard. She couldn't handle hard questions right now. Too hard. Too much to think about. "I don't know."

"So if I were you," Karen continued in a matter-of-fact tone, as if she had answered, "I'd make sure he said goodbye."

"What?"

"It's a small world," Karen said. "A small world and four colonies that he could have gone to. No big deal, right? For a resourceful girl like you."

There was something important that she was supposed to grasp out of those words...but she couldn't think. "I don't understand."

"Never mind me." Karen gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder. "I'm just babbling as usual. I'm not going to ask you why he left, because the ringmaster didn't offer that information which means I'm not supposed to know. Just...take care of yourself, Catherine."

"You don't babble," Catherine said out loud, staring at the acrobatics trainer.

"Don't I?" Karen murmured, getting up and brushing the dirt from her pants. "I'll be off now. Practice is canceled for you today. Do whatever you like. Au revoir."

She was gone before Catherine could say another word, and it wasn't so much her strange behavior that was disturbing as the fact that Karen had told her goodbye. Not so long, not see you later, but goodbye. Goodbye, until we meet again.

It's a small world.

Trowa could be anywhere. He probably wasn't even in Europe anymore, if he had been traveling since late last night. She wondered if he had gone to look for his Gundam. If he had...where would his Gundam be? There weren't many places he could have hidden it. He had never told her, perhaps for the better. On L3? Not likely. Not with any of the pilots, that was for sure. She knew Trowa well enough to know that he didn't trust his fellow pilots with his precious possessions.

With the Preventers?

Lady Une. Sally Po. Zechs Merquise.

It could be.

Could it?

It was farfetched....but for some reason, whenever Trowa had spoken of the Preventers, it had been with a certain warmth that was all the more apparent because he never spoke of anything with the slightest hint of emotion, like or dislike. Words were just words to Trowa Barton. But when he talked of Une, of the Preventers, she could tell that his thoughts were far away somewhere beyond the confining walls of the circus tent, among the stars.

The Preventers symbolized the freedom of space, something that she, Catherine Bloom, could never give him.

So if I were you, I'd make sure he said goodbye.

Karen had told her goodbye.

The Preventers...were based on Earth.

The significance of Karen's words hit her with a certainty that made her heart pound, and she jumped to her feet, feeling dizzy, feeling the blood rush to her head. Her temples pounded and her vision swam.

It was so simple. She was free to go...she didn't have to stay here. There was nothing to stay for now that Trowa was gone, and every reason to leave.

Do whatever you like.

The ringmaster's tent was less than five minutes walk, and she burst in through the doors with a suddenness that made him jump as he turned to look at her from his desk.

"I'm leaving," she said. The seriousness in her tone startled even herself, but to her surprise, he just nodded.

"I wondered how long it would take you."

"What do you mean?" she asked suspiciously, but he just shrugged and smiled, reaching into a drawer and pulling out an envelope.

"Karen and I thought it would be good for you to have some money. Here's three months' extra pay, for your trip. We'll give you one of the cars, too. That way you don't have to travel on foot. The nearest airport is about four hours drive from here to the northeast."

"I-" she stuttered, unable to find words. "How-how did you know?" She blinked at him a few times before the full meaning of the words sunk in, then felt her cheeks heating. "I...I didn't even think about that."

He shook his head at her mock-disapprovingly. "Well...aren't you glad you came by? Is there anything else you need?"

"I don't think so," she said, dazed. The world was moving too quickly under her feet and she wasn't sure she could stand up.

"Catherine!"

She felt arms catching her and she took several deep breaths, struggling to keep her feet steady. Closed her eyes and felt the room slowly spin to a halt. "I'm...all right."

"You sure? Maybe you shouldn't leave-"

"I'm GOING," she said, glaring and clutching the envelope. "And nothing you say can stop me."

The ringmaster held up his hands. "Peace, peace. I never said you weren't going."

They stared at each other for a long minute, and then she leaned over the desk and threw her arms around him.

"I'll miss you...thank you. For everything."

He returned her embrace hesitantly. "Don't say that. I expect to see you both again. We've only just begun."

"Thank you," Catherine said again, smiling at him, scrubbing the tears that were leaking from the corners of her eyes again, though for different reasons than before. "I won't forget you."

She left the tent before he could prolong their goodbyes, hurried to her trailer and began throwing clothes into her bag. There wasn't much. Most of her clothes were circus clothes, and not even she would wear circus clothes out of the circus, in public. A pair of comfortable shoes for her feet. A coat. Food she could buy on the road. She stuffed the envelope of money into the pocket of her pants, and snagged an old, ragged map that she kept under her pillow.

Preventers Headquarters. She would head there. Lady Une would know what was going on. She knew everything. She was supposed to know everything, after all.

There wasn't much time. She didn't know how much the newspapers had uncovered, though she had no doubt that Lady Une would know...but once a story of this magnitude was released, there would be no peace until everything was laid bare. There were people, former OZ and Federation soldiers, colonists, civilians, who already knew the pilots' identities, had found out during the war for one reason or another. Trowa had assured her that most of them had been killed in the war, but she had caught the word most. Most, not all. Even if the papers hadn't managed to uncover everything, there would always be some money or fame-hungry traitor who would tell all. Five lives for a moment of false glory.

People were such idiots. Her brother included.

She looked around the bare trailer, feeling a pang of regret. The circus had been her home since before she could remember, and it would never be the same, even if she and Trowa decided to come back after it was all over.

But as much as she loved the circus, she loved Trowa more. He needed her. And even if he didn't, she needed him.

Shouldering her bag, she stepped out into the sunshine, heading towards the car that would take her away from this place and into the freedom of the world and the future that awaited her and the brother she had worked so hard to find.

If he was not willing to stay for her, then she would look for him.

And when she found him, she would make sure that he would at least give her the goodbye she deserved.

 


 
Scene X: The Meeting Amidst a Crisis

 

"Here they talked of revolution; here it was they lit the flame.
Here they sang about tomorrow, and tomorrow never came."
--Les Misèrables, Empty Chairs at Empty Tables

 
She stared out the window, waiting for the shuttle to arrive in Burlington, Vermont.

Sally flipped through the hastily written report on the school and the incident (which the press had already labeled a massacre), unable to believe that the tranquil campus had erupted. Cities were meant for violence, not posh schools the rich sent their darling children to. Schools like Cliffside Heights were the breeding grounds of the future leaders of the world, not riots.

Had it only been a week since the news had broken? she wondered, feeling sympathy for the pilots. They had been children, playing at being adults. They didn't deserve the condemnation of the entire world, but no one gave a damn. They had made their beds, and now the world wanted to force them to lie in them.

The plane began its descent, and she handed the report over to her aide, who wore colonel's bars on his shoulders. "How far from here?" she asked.

"Twenty minutes by car, General," he said.

"Doesn't Cliffside have a landing field?" she demanded.

"No. Deliberately designed to isolate the students. The Prince of Wales even decided to attend, and that was one of the reasons."

She nodded. "So I've heard. I assume he wasn't involved in the... incident? I didn't see anything about him in the briefing, and I assume that would be in there."

The Colonel relieved her worries. "No, ma'am. He was in class, thankfully. While you were reviewing the files, we received the information on the victims. Four confirmed dead, nine hospitalized with gunshot wounds."

Sally shut her eyes. "I knew this job wouldn't be easy when I undertook it," she murmured. "When we get into the car, I want to hear about the deceased."

He saluted to mask his confusion. He didn't see how knowing about the students would be helpful, but she was the general. "I'll get right on it."

Ten minutes later she was sliding against the smooth leather seat of the limo the school had sent to pick her up. The colonel went next to her, holding onto a datapad. "I have the information you asked for."

She took the pad and read.

Michael Delfonte. One of the organizers of the rally, former OZ soldier. 17 years old. Shot through the head.

Kristen Kersey. She had been on her way to class, no military record. 15 years old. Shot through the chest.

Bethany Hayes. Another former OZ soldier who had been attending the rally. 18 years old. Shot through the throat.

Sven Olafsson. International student who had been observing the rally. 18 years old. Shot through the chest.

Pictures were included in the file, and she memorized each face. It was her duty to. All of them were so young, just as the pilots had been, so full of potential and hope - potential that would now never be fully recognized. Sally touched each face, now forever frozen in the unfinished bloom of youth, and sent a silent prayer heavenwards for their souls.

The car arrived at the campus more quickly then she would have believed possible. The door was open and she was practically lifted to her feet by her aide's strong hands.

The campus was eerily quiet. No students milled on its verdant grounds, and even the birds, which should have been out, were silent. The very stillness of Cliffside Heights sent shivers up her spine.

She looked over at the well-dressed man who was scurrying towards her, and immediately pegged him as a high-level paper pusher. He had the pallor of someone who hardly ever went outside. "General Po!" he said eagerly, clasping her hands in his clammy ones. The Asian part of her heritage rebelled at his familiarity, but she was used to the casual way people of European descent touched.

"Hello... you are?" she asked politely.

The man straightened his glasses. "I'm sorry. I'm Dr. Clute, the President of the school."

"Why is it so quiet?" she demanded.

"I ordered everyone to go to their rooms and remain there. I'm sending around the staff in an hour or so with meals, and I'm having some of the top psychologists flown in to counsel the students. We're a tight-knit campus, and something like this... well, it's hard."

She nodded. "You have my sympathies. I assure you that justice will be served."

"That's what I want to hear. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I understand you have pictures being developed. I need copies as soon as they become available. Also, I would like to see the scene of the shooting."

The man winced. "Follow me, please."

She followed, her retinue a few respectful steps behind her. They soon reached a large lawn that had been trampled, and she could see the white outlines and blood on the ground. The victims had been scattered over a fairly large area, and it looked like the crowd had panicked.

"Was anybody hurt by the rush? The mob, I mean?"

"Just scrapes and bruises, one fractured wrist. It was the bullets that did the real damage."

"I'm so sorry," Sally said.

Dr. Clute tilted his head, and she suddenly saw the small receiver in his ear. "The photos are done. We can go to the photo lab if you're done here."

She sighed. "There's nothing I can do here. I'm not a forensic expert, unfortunately. I'll have to wait for the reports. I just wanted to get my own image of the situation."

They headed into one of the buildings, and she followed him as he opened the door to a darkroom. The pictures were still wet and hanging from clotheslines that had been suspending above trays of developer. The antique nature of this room was in stark contrast to the technology of the rest of the world, and Sally felt a yearning for simpler times. "What was the photographer doing at the rally?" she asked.

"Student photographer. She'll probably win a Pulitzer for this," he said with grim humor.

Sally went closer. It looked like the student had taken about 72 pictures, or three rolls. She thought privately that the student had talent, all of the images crisp and inviting the eye to look closely. The subject matter was horrifying, all captured dramatically in black and white. Sally had seen destruction during the war, but this was frightening in a stranger way. They were all children, her mind said for the millionth time.

She looked through the first row. Students waving picket signs, taunting the soldiers. The soldiers kneeling, taking aim. The students panicking, some of them falling to the-

She stopped as one image in particular caught her eyes. It was of a student with a long braid tackling another student to bring her to the ground.

She knew him.

"My Lord," she whispered.

Quickly she scanned the rest of the pictures, and found another that contained the same two students. It was of the boy pushing the girl into a window.

It was a long shot, but she pointed at it. "What building is this?" she demanded.

Dr. Clute looked at it more closely. "It looks like our math building- why?"

"I'm going to check something out. I'll find my way there. Colonel, see about getting copies of these pictures for our forensic team."

She hurried out of the room, leaving everyone else behind.

What were the chances? she wondered as she looked at the campus map in the main lobby. Of him being here? And what were the chances of him still being on campus, let alone the math building? He probably had taken off as soon as he could, not wanting to get to close to anyone resembling an official.

She hurried to the building and started to walk down the hall. Her footsteps echoed on the tile floor, and again she felt alone.

Sally heard the muffled sounds of voices coming from one room, and though she couldn't make out the words, she recognized one of them. She knocked and tried the handle, but it was locked.

"Leave us ALONE!" the hostile voice said.

She wasn't about to do that. With a grin she kicked the door handle, grinning as the flimsy lock gave way. She still had it.

Opening the door, she found a gun trained on the spot between her eyes.

She stared, unable to believe her eyes, despite the fact that she had been hoping to find him.

Duo Maxwell looked up, focusing his blue-violet eyes on her. "Sally!" he exclaimed. He mysteriously made the gun disappear and picked her up, spinning her around like she was no more then a teenager herself. "I'm so glad to see you!"

The intervening months hadn't hurt him at all. Despite his shadowed eyes, the potential he had when he was a younger pilot had finally blossomed into full-fledged maturity, and his handsome smile made up for the fatigue in his features. He was a heart breaker, and she felt an involuntary flush rise to her cheeks as he set her down. "Duo Maxwell... what are you doing here?"

"Well, I WAS going to school until that story broke. I was... well, trying to forget about things. Guess you can't run from your past."

"No, Duo, you can't" another voice said, and Sally saw another familiar face. "Hilde, right?"

The girl smiled. "Glad you remember me. I never did get a chance to properly thank you for putting me back together."

"It was my pleasure. I don't know the others, though," she said.

"No reason you should. Helena Rosenburg, Chris Johnsen, Shinobu Matsuura, and Ilene Keets," he said. The last girl was unconscious, and had been the one in the photos with Duo.

"Is she ok?" Sally asked, the physician within her worried, and causing her to step forward.

"She will be. I just gave her a little ether," Hilde said.

"ETHER?" Sally exclaimed.

"She was hysterical, and a danger to Duo," Hilde said in an unrepentant voice. "She carries a grudge."

"One of the Gundam haters," Sally said. "Duo, I can take you back to Preventer HQ and put you in protective custody. The lid on the identities of the Gundam Pilots is about to blow WIDE open. Expect assassination attempts."

"Assassination attempts?" the boy who had been introduced to her as Chris whispered.

"This is the big leagues. We're playing with the adults," Duo informed him. "Thanks for your offer, Sally, but I have something to do." He wrapped his arms around Hilde's waist, who looked at him with pleased surprise.

"And that would be?" Sally asked, feeling the swell of hope she always had felt before around any of the Gundam pilots. There was something special about those boys -young men.

Duo gave her his cocky grin of old. "Hilde and I are going to get Deathscythe Hell and Wing Zero."

 


 
Scene XI: Worth a Thousand Words

 

"It's all ending; we've got to stop pretending who we are."
--No Doubt, Don't Speak

 
Her press secretary was running late this morning, and Relena was not in the mood for anybody to be running late. There were press reports and questions coming in from the networks asking about her address to the nation yesterday, and it was too much work for her to handle alone. The press secretary was supposed to be handling these things. The press secretary was supposed to be the one to fill out the sheets and soothe the angry reporters and make sure that they had as little contact as possible with the real Queen Relena.

The press secretary was now two hours and three minutes late, and Relena was contemplating firing him.

She stared moodily out the window at the blue, blue sky, speckled with clouds at the farthest point of the horizon. No sky had the right to be that blue. Especially not when the weather ought to have been stormy with blowing wind and torrenting rain.

Quatre's confession had sent even more questions and demands for explanations her way, and it was too much to deal with at once. Whoever she had thought would be the first to confess, it was not the blond, blue-eyed cherub with idealistic visions of a peaceful world and torn innocence. She had thought it would be perhaps Duo, or Trowa. Or even Heero. Never Quatre.

Secretly, she had hoped it would be Heero. It had been a year...a year and a half, and not a word. Not a sign. He could be dead, for all she knew.

It was a possibility she did not like to think about, because it was so real. As long as she didn't think about him, as long as she remembered the Heero she used to know, he was still alive.

She would have thought that even Heero would rise up from wherever he was laying low to confess all he had done during the war before she would see Quatre do it in front of the entire world.

Relena had watched the showing of the press conference from beginning to end, clenching her fists as question after question was fired at the former Sandrock pilot about his recently released stance on the crisis, as he calmly made his way through the crowd of reporters. Cringing as she envisioned what the media would do his honest answers. Except she had not expected the answer he gave. The only answer.

My name is Quatre Raberba Winner, and I am a Gundam pilot.

There had been a stunned silence.

At his words, she had felt something break. That was it, she knew. It was all over, and at the same time it had begun. With those words, they were at war.

It was not a war of Gundams and weapons now, but a war of words. The silence had erupted into chaos just as suddenly as it had fallen, and all of a sudden it had been a storm. Most of the questions had not even been questions, but blatant accusations, something she knew that reporters, no matter how angry, had been trained never to utter. Seasoned professionals had crowded around the blond boy in the neat gray suit, shaking their cameras and fists in his face, demanding why.

She hadn't been able to hear his responses.

The press conference had cut back to a shot of the newsroom, and she was both pleased and uneasy at the same time to see the white faces of the news anchors. For a moment, she could tell they were at a loss for words. But, like the reporters at the conference, only for a moment.

Why did the media have to be so damned opinionated?

She sighed, turning back from the window. It was their job, and she should not be one to blame people for their jobs. If every news program could contain moments of blessed silence like the one that day, there would be no need for news anchors.

It had been a good thing that it had been Quatre at the first, because at least he, like her, was used to the snapping cameras and the hordes of questions and the crowds. He had kept his poise well, from what she had seen of the rest of the conference. She had, through various channels, requested a copy of the entire conference sent to her as soon as possible from L4, and then sat down and watched the entire thing. Most of it consisted of Quatre's quiet voice being drowned under a bombardment of questions and Quatre's slight form swallowed by the lights and the shifting sea of frenzied movement. But on the whole, he had handled his end of it well. She supposed he had been preparing his reaction for days before the conference.

She would have.

Those of his answers which had been released to the public had already been analyzed to death on most of the holovid programs, and she was sure there were more of them to follow. It was a game, really, all a game of words to see who could talk the fastest and the loudest and the longest, and that side would win.

That was no shock. War was a game, after all...one long, bloody game.

She supposed Dorothy Catalonia would smile and agree with her.

Riffling through the papers on her desk absently, she wondered for a moment what had happened to Duke Dermail's granddaughter. She should by all means move in the same circles as Relena, but she hadn't been at any of the formal balls or parties or political debates that she would have thought that the heiress to the Dermail duchy should have attended, and inquires about Lady Dorothy Catalonia had simply invited shrugged shoulders and shaking heads.

If she had really cared that much, she could have done a search for Dorothy, as she had for Heero. And she was willing to bet that Dorothy would have been much easier to find. But she didn't care that much. She had hardly known Dorothy, and she had been the enemy.

The comm screen beeped and she glanced over with a sigh, pressed the connection switch. The face of an aide flickered onto the screen. She couldn't remember his name.

"My lady, Mr. Gorniak is requesting to see you."

"Send him in," she said, resisting the urge to punch through the screen. It was about time. He was - she glanced at the clock - two hours and thirty-five minutes late.

The door swung open and Gorniak entered, a swarthy, elegantly dressed man breathing hard and sweating. Obviously, he had been running. She did not bother to sit as he hurried up to her desk.

"My lady, I-"

"You're late," she said pointedly.

"My lady, I have a reason."

"Oh?" she said frostily, flatly. "And what is that?"

She was about to add something more biting, something that would drive the point home, but his face was more solemn than she had seen it since Quatre had confessed, and something about his stance warned her that there was something wrong.

"My lady, I think you should come with me."

She didn't ask, just followed him out of the office and down the corridor, passing bustling aides and various other personnel carrying stacks of datacards and hard copy files high in their arms, half-bowing at her as they passed. She nodded absently back, her attention focused wholly on the little man who was leading the way in front of her, wondering what could be so serious as to make him hours late for work. Gorniak was never late.

The room they entered was down a side corridor, a small room with three rows of seats and a large screen at the far end of the wall. It was a simplified version of one of the briefing rooms aboard the Peacemillion, and she had had it built after she had moved into the palace to serve as a multipurpose small meeting hall or a room for various press conference showings. Gorniak flicked on the dim overhead lights at the back end of the room and motioned her to sit down.

"No," she said, standing. "Tell me what this is."

With a sigh, he moved to the screen controls on the stand by the door, The screen flickered to life, a bright fuzzy blue. "I was late this morning because I was watching the morning news, Lady Relena."

She blinked. "What?"

"I thought so," he said. "You don't know about it. You'd be the last to know, at this rate. No offense, my lady, but everyone's afraid of telling you."

"Telling me what?" Relena blew out a breath. "Gorniak, if you don't stop talking in riddles and just give me the facts, I-"

"You don't watch the morning news, do you, my lady?" he said.

She frowned. "No. I get all the news I need as soon as I go to the office. And as soon as I meet with you. Which I was planning to do, but you were late this morning."

"Ah."

It was hard not to take two steps over to him, take him by the collar, shake him, and demand answers. It was what Heero would have done, but she was not Heero.

"I recorded this this morning," he said, and the screen flickered again and an enlarged version of a news anchor's head appeared. "It's the World Nation news channel."

"Good morning," the man said. He was dressed in a blue suit and there were tight lines around his eyes, no matter how brightly he was smiling. "We have some breaking news this morning that surpasses the news of Mr. Quatre Raberba Winner's secret identity during the war. It is nowhere near as shocking," he amended, as a picture of Wing Zero's head appeared in a little box over his shoulder, "but every bit just as important."

Relena frowned. A nagging suspicion crept into the corner of her mind, and she sat down heavily in one of the chairs. If this was what she thought it was, the Preventers were going to be getting some calls from her this morning, and they were going to be doing a lot of explaining.

But it couldn't be.

Right?

"Reporting live from outside the Tokyo News building, here's correspondent Cecilia Barloni."

"Good morning," the young blond woman said, with a smile on her face that did not match the serious tone of her voice. "This morning, Tokyo News released a very important piece of information that may change our perspective on the Gundam crisis, either for better or for worse. As you know, Tokyo News international staff member Muhammad Ali Banks was the man who first broke this story to the world. Now, it appears there is more to his story than we realized."

She stared directly into the camera, then continued solemnly. "As of seven o' clock AM this morning, we now have the identities, names, and faces of the five Gundam pilots."

Relena blinked.

My name is Quatre Raberba Winner...

"I thought you would like to see this, Lady Relena," Gorniak said behind her. She ignored him, attention focused entirely on the screen. She was not shocked, just...unwillingly accepting. Accepting the inevitable.

There was a hollow feeling creeping up the inside of her stomach, and she suddenly felt like throwing up.

"We have their identities on file and feel that this is something the public should know. Back to you, Andrew."

"Thank you," the male news anchor said. He was not smiling now. "The news we are about to release to you is of the gravest importance. It will hopefully be printed worldwide in the daily newspapers also, if for some reason someone you know has missed this broadcast." He ruffled the papers in front of him and cleared his throat. "And now, here are the faces and names of the five boys who shook the world in the most serious armed conflict we have ever known."

The screen blinked, and a picture appeared. An Asian boy, hair bound in a tight ponytail at the nape of his neck, glancing fiercely away from the camera as if in protest of the picture, but it was impossible not to make out his features.

"This is Chang Wufei," the anchor's voice cut through the silence in a voiceover. Stats rolled at the bottom of the page. "He was fifteen at the time of the war, from Colony L5, which was destroyed during the war. He piloted the Gundam 05. Of Chinese origin, from the remnants of the Long clan which governed the colony. As of this time, he is currently at large."

Relena swallowed.

There was a beep and a picture of Quatre, which had obviously been taken at the disastrous press conference, appeared. It was in monochrome, black and white. Just like a prison photo.

"We already know this young man," the voice said. "Quatre Raberba Winner, head of the Winner Group. He piloted the Gundam 04."

Another beep. Trowa Barton was looking into the camera, green eyes serene. If she had not known him so well, she would have sworn he was smiling.

"This is the pilot of Gundam 03, Trowa Barton. He was also fifteen at the time of the war, from Colony L3, of French origin. He is believed to be part of a circus troupe touring Europe and Asia. At this time there are no warrants out for his arrest, but it is advised for you to be on the alert."

The beep. The braid was the first thing she saw; it was impossible not to notice it. She had forgotten how impossibly long it had been. It was thrown casually over his shoulder and he was winking at the camera, smiling his cocky grin.

"Pilot of the 02 Gundam, Duo Maxwell. From Colony L2, of American origin. Fifteen years old during the war. His whereabouts have been tracked to exclusive boarding school Cliffside Heights in the United States, the site of yesterday's riot which killed four students and injured nine."

Relena closed her eyes for a moment.

Duo...I'm sorry.

"And finally," the anchor said, over the noise of the beep as the photo slid into place. She drew in a breath. If she reached out one hand, she could almost touch...

"Pilot of the 01 Gundam, also known as Wing Zero, is Heero Yuy. Fifteen during the war, he hails from colony L1 and is of Japanese origin. His current whereabouts are unknown."

Cobalt blue eyes stared into the camera, meeting her own in a gaze of wills, and she could almost hear the wheels turning in his head. Plotting some strategy or other, even while he dutifully followed procedure and sat obediently for the picture. She wondered in a corner of her mind how much it had taken to convince him that a picture was really necessary.

And then Heero was gone, replaced by the bland face of the news anchor. "Again, those were the names and identities of the five Gundam pilots, taken from authentic files and photos saved from the beginning of the war by the Preventers. It is strongly encouraged for anyone who might have news of the whereabouts of any of the four pilots currently at large to contact the World Nation Criminal Justice Headquarters at once. Details can be found on the internet or by calling this number."

A number appeared at the bottom of the screen, and the anchor rustled his papers again. "Totals from yesterday's riot at Cliffside Heights, USA, are four dead, nine injured. Totals from yesterday's riot at Tiananmen Square, China, are two hundred thirty-seven dead, four hundred fifty-three injured, seven missing. Totals from yesterday's riot on L3 are seventeen dead, twenty-eight injured. We will keep you updated as the news progresses. Apparently, Preventers forces have been contacted and forbidden use of life-threatening force as a result of these deaths and injuries."

The anchor opened his mouth, and then the screen went dark. "That was all I taped, my lady," Gorniak said. "I was late for work, after all."

She drew in a shuddering breath and blew it out, conscious of the dark room and the flickering screen. "I-this was a worldwide broadcast?"

"I believe so. That anchor is one of the most prominent of the World Nation news staff."

"To hell with him," Relena hissed, in a sudden show of temper. Gorniak said nothing. She took another deep breath. "I'm sorry. I just-I-"

"I understand," the press secretary said as she sagged in her chair, holding her head.

"What are we going to do?"

"It depends on your stance on the issue, my lady. There are-"

"My stance on the issue is clear," she snapped. "You know that. Everyone knows that. Or have you forgotten my speech on national camera the other day?"

"I know that, I was just-"

"What? Trying to put words in my mouth?" She sprang up from the chair, stalked down the stairs and back up. "Everyone does it, and I'm sick of it!"

"Yes, my lady," Gorniak said evenly. He was watching her, she knew, like everyone watched her. Trying to lure her out. Trying to find her weak spot, and when they did, it would be all over.

But they had already found her weak spot, so what was the use in trying?

"Don't 'yes my lady' me! Well, are you just going to stand there?"

"No, my lady," he said. But he didn't budge, just watched her. She stopped her pacing halfway and threw up her hands. Sat down slowly on the carpeted floor.

Held her breath and counted to ten.

She was the queen. She could handle it. She could handle anything.

"What do we need to do?" she said evenly. "Give me all the courses of action I can take for the press. Make sure a copy of my speech is in the national paper by tomorrow so the whole nation knows my stance on the matter. There should be no confusion."

"Yes, my lady," Gorniak said. He turned off the viewscreen with a snap and there was a whir as he withdrew the datadisk from the drive. "I have some papers you might like to see also. Press statements and the like."

"I support the pilots, you know," she said at last, still sitting. She didn't have the strength to stand. She had to call Une. Or Sally. Or Milliard. Had to find out exactly how bad things were. "I've always supported them, from the beginning. Even when I didn't realize it. I think it must be my curse."

"What seems a curse may become a blessing, my lady."

Relena laughed. Tried to, at least. It didn't come out too well. "You know, my mother used to tell me that. Mrs. Darlian, that is; my adopted mother. I tried to believe her, until the war. Then I stopped believing."

There was a silence, and then footsteps as he stepped out from behind the controls and opened the door. "Shall we go, my lady?"

Glancing at the screen, she thought she could still see the afterimages of their faces. They were proud people, the pilots. Perhaps prouder than she, and she owed them so much. It was the least she could do...even as the puppet queen of a puppet kingdom.

The least she could do.

Wufei. Quatre. Trowa. Duo.

Heero.

"Yes," she said softly, reaching out one hand slightly to the dark screen. "I'm coming."

 
Go to Relena story
Kimi ni Todoke

 

 
END SAINAN NO KEKKA ACT III

 

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