SHIN KIDOU SENKI GUNDAM WING

SAINAN NO KEKKA
Letter to Noin: Dorothy

To Lucrezia Noin:

I did not like you.

I never did.

That may be because of the fact that the man I loved loved you, but I hate thinking I'm such a petty person. No, what I disliked was the way you always had direction, the way you seemed to shine. You were kind and sweet and strong, but still were one of the most capable soldiers I've ever seen.

Soldiers shouldn't be kind- it's a weakness that will get them killed on the battlefield. But you were, always concerned for the others, always trying to protect those weaker then you. And you didn't even like to fight- how DARE you call yourself a soldier? A love of space means nothing- you should have signed up for some kind of commercial industry. I'm sure Quatre would have found you a job.

Am I bitter? Perhaps. But then, I've always been that way. I grew up too fast.

We hardly knew each other, yet you were one of the most profound influences on my life. You were everything I did not -could not- respect in a woman, yet you effortlessly achieved all the things I desired for myself. Your very existence forced me to question my own self-worth, and that was something that is simply unacceptable. Dorothy Catalonia is a woman who stands up for herself, who uses no other human as a measure against herself.

Comparing yourself to another person is the height of stupidity, but we still do it. It's part of human nature, and how fragile we mortals are. We constantly seek reassurance that our decisions are right, that out lives aren't futile, aren't pieces of nothingness that will scatter like dust on the wind as soon as we are gone from this life.

I'm rambling- it's very unlike me. I'm a focused person, you know?

cion No, you don't. We had little chance to get to know each other. We were together in the Cinq Kingdom during the war, but that meant little. Each of us were orbiting the sun which is called Relena Peacecraft, and paid little attention to the other.

Relena- one of the few things we had in common. I was fascinated by her- she is such a brilliant young lady, yet she embraces idealistic notions of peace that simply won't work. The real world is no place for idealists such as Relena, yet she endures. She managed to survive the war. She managed to cling fast to her beliefs.

I admit that I am jealous.

You are one of the reasons. You and the pilot of 01, Heero Yuy. Both of you worked hard to protect her from those who would destroy her faith in absolute pacifism. Most of all, you kept her from destroying herself.

She was a fool. But we loved her for it. She trusted me; me, a scion of the Romefeller Foundation, granddaughter to Duke Dermail himself! I'm sure you warned her of the danger, but she didnt listen. She wouldn't have. She always wanted to believe the best of people. She even forgave Une herself in the end, and Une was the one who had irrevocably changed her life by assassinating Vice Minister Darlian. Such a sweet fool, is our Relena.

You allowed her to preach her policies of disarmament and absolute pacifism while you quietly built a force to protect the ancient Cinq Kingdom. You didn't do it just for Relena; no, that came latter. You wanted to protect your precious Zechs' homeland, wanted to at least give him that precious thing.

Ah, it always comes back to Zechs, doesn't it? The man we both loved.

I'm not a fool- I know where he gave his heart, even if he was unaware of the truth himself. Men, even ones as strong as Zechs, can be so blind in the ways of love. The human condition, again. Still, I would have welcomed the fight with you, and given it my all. That way I would have no regrets when he inevitably joined you. I would be able to honestly say that I had given it my all, and moved on.

I want to move on. I made that decision before you died. I declared him a stranger, I cut him irrevocably away from myself. Had you lived, you would have rejoiced.

You didn't like me either.

Now that you are gone, though... he is alone.

Zechs desperately needs someone right now to serve as his focus- you've been his shoulder for so long that he is lost without you. Perhaps it was the worst time for me to cut the ties that bound me to him; Relena cannot help and Une will not. Une merely sees the soldier, not the man.

And I...I cannot take your place. I won't be second choice. Though my heart pains me to see him suffer, I will be strong and not give into the urge to offer him comfort.

I am Dorothy Alicia Veronique Catalonia, Heir to the Duchy of Dermail, and I will stand on my own. It's time for Zechs to learn to do the same.

Cordially,
Dorothy Catalonia

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