This was a post to the Stellar Soldiers GW mailing list that I wrote in response to a question on Trowa Barton's motives. Why does Trowa fight? Out of the five pilots he is the only one that appears not to have any true reason to be out there in his Gundam. The following are my thoughts on the matter after someone offered the opinion that Trowa, though he has good itentions, has no real will of his own and must be actually told what to do in order for him to act.

That's a very interesting theory...I never thought of it like that, though my thoughts on Trowa still stand. What follows is my own opinion, as with everything on this list, and feel free to disagree with me. (This is also kind of long...gomen!)

I don't think Trowa is a very forceful person, and probably most of the time he WOULD need someone to push him to actually make him to what he wants to do. That's his personality. But that doesn't mean he has no sense of self whatsoever. People are selfish. That's a big theme of Gundam W. The Gundam pilots represent the fight against that selfishness, yet the pilots are each far from selfless. Each Gundam pilot must come to terms with himself before they can band together. Their biggest enemy isn't Treize or OZ or the Romefeller Foundation or technology, but their own minds and hearts and desires versus the big picture, the ideal, the mission.

Heero and Wufei are the most visible representation of this, but Duo, Quatre, and Trowa do it in their own ways too. Duo fights because of the people who were killed because of him. I think he has a guilt complex, which is what he builds his "god of death" persona upon. I also believe that Quatre fights for reasons other than the obvious ones; with such a family, wouldn't he feel a little overwelmed? I believe he feels the need to prove himself, show male dominance, show that he is able to do things on his own. This is not to say that the pilots' main desire is not to protect the colonies and bring peace, but again, selfishness comes to all men, and the pilots are not exempt. The fact that they are able to overcome it shows that they are of a stronger character than the other characters in the series (Zechs, Treize, Dorothy, etc.)

Which brings us to Trowa. He's nowhere near as flashy as Duo, nowhere as good a soldier as Heero, and nowhere near idealistic as Wufei. Quatre has his own private Maganac squad to protect him, while Trowa doesn't even have any memories of a family or a past. I believe in the beginning, he fights because: A. Fighting will give him a reason and a purpose, B. Fighting makes him feel needed, and C. Fighting will give him something to call his own.

For A. What is Trowa's purpose in existing? He has none. As Raye said, he basically needs to be told what to do because he doesn't think of doing things on his own. Yet all humans have a strong sense of purpose...they need to have SOMETHING to believe in or accomplish (another theme of Gundam W: purpose). Trowa can't keep on living without a purpose. I believe he fights partly to find that purpose, that maybe he thinks if he fights, he will find what he is living for.

B. As Nanashi, Trowa was not needed. He was nobody. As a Gundam pilot, he is somebody. The colony needs him. The other pilots count on him as part of their team. For the first time in his life, Trowa is counted on as more than just some boy who silently acquieses with whatever he is told. He makes his own choices and fights his own battles. Everyone has a desire to be needed by someone, and Trowa is no different. He couldn't go on living as Nanashi. He COULD have, technically, accepting missions, doing as he was told, and being a robot. But I think the kinship of the other pilots, as he met them, prevented him from doing that. Remember his meeting with Quatre on the planet, when Quatre tried to reason with him? I think that was Trowa's first realization that he COULD make his own choices, that he DIDN'T have to simply do what others told him.

C. The third reason ties in with A and B. Trowa's never had a home, a family. He has nothing, basically. He IS nothing. Fighting gives him the ability to say "This is who I am and this is what I do. I am a Gundam pilot and I fight against abuse of power by the Federation."

I talked about the pilots overcoming their selfishness and focusing on the larger goal, the bigger picture. This also happens to Trowa. I believe he started out the war with these three, perhaps more, reasons in mind. He was fighting for the colony, but also for himself. But at the end, I also believe this changed. Along the way he found Catherine. He found true friends in the Gundam pilots who didn't befriend him simply for what he could do, but for who he was. He found people he loved, and he found that he fought in order to protect these people. He found his true purpose and ideals.

In my Air Force ROTC cadet knowledge book are listed the three core values of the Air Force, which are basically three principles that every Air Force officer operates on. The second core value is "Service before Self," which reads:

"Military service is not just another job. It is an uncommon profession that calls for people of uncommon dedication. The leader unwilling to sacrifice individual goals for the good of the unit cannot convince other unit members to do so."

So I think it is with all the pilots as well as Trowa. Each of them had their own, selfish reasons for fighting. Before they were willing to sacrifice their own desires and goals for the good of the mission, it was hard for them to work together. As they slowly found a purpose, they were bound together in unity and able to defeat the enemy.

Trowa is a hard character to understand, perhaps the most complicated in Gundam W (besides maybe Wufei), but the reason is that he doesn't get much screen time. Among the five pilots, if I had to pick a "throwaway" character, Trowa would be it. Not to say that he is one, but he definitely gets a lot less attention than, say, Duo, or Quatre. I translated Trowa's image song "Doukeshi," which I think tells the most about his character out of all his songs, and the words really reveal a lot about him.

"For my dreams are worn out
And I'm betraying love, but
My heart is like a blank
No matter the memories I'll leave them behind
The sole gaze of a clown"

"I have been performing for so long
That long ago I threw away joy
I shut away sadness
I carry a tired smile"

That basically sums up my thoughts on Trowa. For all of his life, he's been performing, acting on cue, being directed by people behind the curtain.

"In the shadow of tears
And smiles I linger still
My true heart
I have only painted over"

I think Trowa fights to find his "true heart." He knows he has nothing, and he knows that there must be something out there for him. He fights for that.

"I'm unexperienced in something like loving
I don't know how to give love
Just once for a shining moment
In my heart something overflows
A clown knows tears...
A clown knows tears."