Suzaku Seishi Fan Fiction Review: Gone

Gone
Author: Night~Mare
Email: Night_Mare_Chan@yahoo.com
Warnings: Episode 16 Spoilers and Not Beta-Read (gomen Chiriko-sama)
Type: Drama (sequel to Chance Encounters)

Chichiri:
Another good Mits fic no da! (They're getting more numerous, aren't they?)
This is quite the enjoyable read with plenty of emotion and the putting in a performance or two of Tama's was just perfect! Mit's concern about his future as a seishi interferring with his own personal happiness was well-spelled out. (I imagine all of us seishi felt this way at some time or another once we learned of our destiny. I know I did no da!)
The only objection was the bit of rough-spelling but that could be easily over-looked in such a wonderful story. The ending is quick, abrupt and it hits one in the pit of the stomach with the suddeness of it all, leaving us to almost experience the emotional turmoil as Mits must have felt when he realized what had just happened.
Five kasas to this one no da! Good job Night_Mare!

Tasuki:
*blinks and stares* That was good. *blinks somemore* It didn't have to mention how in love they were, but you could still see it. And they acted like real people. Sure it could have used some fixin', but it was still good. Good to see a Mits fic, and Tama seems right on. I liked this one. I'm sure Mits will. If he doesn't decide to just angst. >.>
One of the better Mits fics I've seen.

Nuriko:
I'm afraid I'm going to have to go against the popular opinion on this one, gomen. While the idea behind the story was a good one, and some of the scenes were very well done, I just found it difficult to stay with, for lack of a better term. There seemed to be a few areas where ellipses were changed into some strange type-character, and it made for quite a few jerky stops in the reading.
There were a few grammatical errors here and there, but nothing overly blatant. Again, it's a very good idea, it just didn't strike me the way most of Nightmare's fics do.
3 kasas

Mitsukake:
Erm...okay. *deep breath*
Nuriko's right-there were a few formatting errors. At several points, punctuation marks seemed to turn into odd symbols. And quite a few lines ended up with the spoken sentences about an inch or so from the quotation marks. My guess is either an HTML typo or an odd font, nothing that isn't easily fixed.
Beyond that...it was...good. Very good. Nightmare has never been one to disappoint, though the format errors should probably be taken care of as soon as possible.
(And Tasuki, don't make me throw something at you. I happen to think I handled this story very well, THANK YOU. 'Just angst', indeed. -_-;;)

Chiriko:
This needs to be cleaned up, but with some polishing, you'll have a stellar fic, Night-mare-san.
Advice: First off, check your formatting- though weird symbols down'd help.
Second, try to avoid the "cliche" phrases such as "Her eyes outshone the stars" because it makes Juan seem cliche- and I don't see our Mits that way. He's more of a thinker- he'd be creative. So use some of your creativity- I know you have it!
Good points are your scenes- I especially like the proposal and Shouka's response to Mits' unwillingness to be a seishi.
Now, just out of curiosity, but I was under the impression Tama-neko wasn't around? Since Miaka was the one who named him?
3.5 stars, with more pending.

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