Suzaku Seishi Fan Fiction Review: Masks

Masks
Author: Asidian Morris
Email:
Warnings: Language, slight shonen ai implications
Type: Erm... introspection? (does that count as a type?)

Nuriko:
For starters, I liked the layout of this. easy to read, and the paragraphs were descriptive enough that there was never really a question of who was speaking. Nuriko's was a bit vague, but maybe that's why his was saved til last?
However... while I believe this is a good beginning to an introspection fic, or perhaps to a fic about the journey to Hokkan, the fic itself just seems... incomplete?
I've said this about other stories, and the same holds true here. Just when I was getting a feel for the storyline and the person speaking, it switched again. It kept me a bit off-kilter, and sort of detracted from my enjoyment of the fic.
All in all, not a bad fic, but it just seems to be missing something more.

Mitsukake:
Nuriko had a good point about the perspective switches in this. It's *very* hard to make those changes flow, however-I dare say I've only managed it myself once or twice over the entire course of my 'career' as a fic writer. But I do recommend that the transitions be worked on as much as possible, because that is one of the elements that can make or break a story, so to speak.
The proliferation of one and two-line paragraphs should probably go as well. Giving a line or phrase it's own "paragraph" works excellently for emphasis, but only in moderation. (Again, though, I must confess to likely overusing this as well. ^_-)
On other notes: Nuriko's segment in here was particularly good, I must say. A very nice wrap-up for the others. :) Miaka's fell somewhat flat...but, then, I don't consider that the author's fault. *snrk*
In conclusion: A good piece with a *nice* concept, but needs some revision to have that feeling of completeness.

Chiriko:
*staring at fish* You know, there's something wrong with the fact that my fish are right by my computer screen- I wonder if they get radiated? Would that cook them? Must research......
ITAI! *glares at Tasuki who just whapped him*
Ok, ok- I'll REVIEW!
First off, loose and lose.... sorry, it's one of my own major spelling faults.
The formatting on this fic was nice-- easy to read, and though I got the reasons for the switches, it didn't make it... well, interpreting.
I see many introspection fics, but none offer new aspects to the characters. Does everyone REALLY see the characters the same way? Or are you accepting what is fanfic cannon as your opinion.
Be brave. Do something different.
Also, about the title- does EVERY FY author write something called "Masks" or something of the sort? I've seen numerous fics and they are all very much alike.
Nothing stellar here- 2.5 stars. It's well written but there's no flair to it.

Tasuki:
*whapped Chiriko* What were you thinkin'?! X_x Now back to review.
This was very interestin'! I was tryin' ta see how fast I could figure out who was talkin'. I got pretty good at it! I liked the idea behind this and though there was no action at all, it was pretty cool. The webpage layout was pretty good too, very easy to read, and easy on the eyes.
*pouts at the others*
It was easy to read...and it wasn' quite the same as all the rest. This was a pure 'inner mind thingie' and I don't really think it matters what part of the storyline it was in, though it was before we lost fruit-boy. :P

Chichiri:
Yes, this is certainly easy to read, the balance and rythym comes off almost poem-like. It's simple to discover who the speakers were and one could almost see them gathered around a campfire, each immersed in thier own thoughts no da.
Yes, there is a slight feel of some depth missing here, but it's such a nice light piece I don't mind no da.
I give it 4 kasas :)

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