Xan: *accepts Subaru with grabby hands, turns him about and starts kissing him* My Subby.
Seishirou: *taps her on the shoulder* Excuse me?
Xan: Don't worry. See he's all right. *pushes Subaru out to him*
Subaru: *clings* Save me from the fangirls.
Seishirou: *puts his arm around Subaru's shoulder* Don't worry Subaru-kun. I'll "save" you.
Subaru: *all gorgeously pretty and uke-ish* You're my hero.
Seishirou: Ahhh the spoils of war. *leers*
Subaru: *archly* Oh? how do you plan to "spoil" me?
Seishirou: *runs a finger down his cheek* I can think of a few ways.
Subaru: So I am now your war trophy? Should I put up some resistance? *doesn't want to be thought easy*
Seishirou: Oh yes, that might be quite nice. Make as much noise as you wish... *looms* No one can hear you anyways.
Subaru: *does the mandatory kicking and screaming that is de rigeur for virgins being carried off*
Seishirou: *does indeed carry him off and tosses him on a convenient bed* My my... what a lovely war trophy... too bad it's still wrapped... *grins and slides over next to him*
Subaru: *eyes wide* You... mean to ravish me?
Seishirou: *cocky as hell* Of course. *neatly slips the black trench and tosses it over the chair*
Subaru: *is a lily-white virgin and so scuttles back against the end of the bed* Stay away from me! *declares melodramatically*
Seishirou: *slowly inches forward* No, I don't think I will, Subaru-kun.
Subaru: *pouts* Why do you never listen to me?
Seishirou: *shrugs* For one, I don't feel like it, and for two, you secretly want me to ravish you.
Subaru: *it was true enough but still feels he ought to offer up some token resistance* But if I let you ravish me, I'd lose all my self-respect!
Seishirou: *quirks an eyebrow* Since when did self respect factor into the equation?
Subaru: *again true enough. His resistance is eroding like a sandcastle from an incoming tide* Er... it's just necessary.
Seishirou: Good. *flashes a sweet smile that would make most people quiver with fear* Shall we proceed with the sex then?
Subaru: *sighs and capitulates* Sure, ravish me.
Seishirou: Excellent. I knew you'd see things my way. *takes off their clothes*
Subaru: *surprised to see his clothes fly off so conveniently* Wow, yet another sign of your magic powers, or should I say prowess?
Seishirou: It comes in handy when you're not in the mood for a strip tease. *mounts him in one graceful motion*
Subaru: *Seishirou is being so masterful, just the way he likes it* You're so impatient!
Seishirou: The other option is me stalking you, throwing random ofuda at you, then having you kill me on a bridge somewhere. This is much more fun.
Subaru: *agrees* I'd rather not angst right now and no killing on bridges, please. But the stalking part can be fun... *considers that option*
Seishirou: Sex first. *kisses him, complete with tongue probing and all the prerequisite gropage*
Subaru: *enjoys said gropage and indulges in a little of it for himself too, gripping at Seishirou's manly shoulders*
Seishirou: *pulls out a tube of cherry-flavored lube and proceeds to use it*
Subaru: *remembers that since he's a virgin, he supposed to be tight, so makes some moans at the constriction and stretching by Seishirou's fingers*
Seishirou: *slicks himself up and lifts his partner's legs* You're such a beautiful virgin. Allow me to teach you the ways of the world. *proceeds to screw him silly*
Subaru: *is not screwed silly yet, as since he's a virgin, it hurts!* You're not being a very good teacher. *grumbles*
Seishirou: Shush now... *hits that wonderful, magical spot inside him that all fangirls write about so that the cute little uke can be all happy and stuff*
Subaru: *little uke is all happy and begins to moan and grind against seme. Begins to pant and beg for the pleasure like a good little uke* Please, Seishirou-san, give it to me!
Seishirou: *being the benevolent seme that he is, he does indeed give "it" to Subaru. He grabs Subaru's pulsating piece of manflesh and gives him the most fantastic handjob along with the mindblowing trusting*
Subaru: *his throbbing er, 7 inches? are firmly grasped in benevolent seme's hands and massaged till he's a happy happy uke. Needless to say he is actively grinding along in tandem, since there's something to be said for being perfectly in sync*
Seishirou: *seeing as how he's the perfect seme, he's not going to come until his uke has. That would be just selfish. He grinds and pumps to his hearts content and then some more*
Subaru: *happy uke comes in a roaring blaze of pleasure, screaming his ecstasy, as he bumps and grinds with his seme*
Seishirou: *now that his uke has been pleasured, he also comes, moaning uncharacteristically. He then flops next to his uke, exhausted and covered in sweat*
Subaru: *all relaxed and ravished and makes the requisite pillow talk* You're so wonderful, Seishirou-san.
Seishirou: *since he's finally screwed the object of his affections, this strange feeling overwhelms him. Since Sei-chan wouldn't know a feeling if it bit him in the ass, he assumes it's the most obvious thing, since the fangirls wouldn't have it any other way* You know Subaru-kun, I was such an idiot for leaving you all those years. I really do love you after all!
Subaru: *glows at the power of his magical ass, which has the ability to transform anyone screwing him into making them fall in love with him* Oh Seishirou-san! *flings arms dramatically around him* I love you too! Now we can live happily ever after, in a life uncomplicated by the fact that the end of the world is coming!
Seishirou: *more or less forgets everything that makes up his character and decrees* That's alright! We'll move to Hawaii and get married! We'll set up a place on the shore of some little island and drink coconut juice all day and have wild sex all night!
Subaru: *totally ignores the fact that he's supposed to angst and agrees wholeheartedly, especially with regards to the wild sex part* Seishirou-san! *goes all starry-eyed*
Seishirou: *also starry-eyed, ignoring the fact that he only has one eye. He whips out a ring from a convenient pocket in hammer-space and proposes right then and there* Oh Subaru-kun, will you marry me?!
Subaru: *green eyes or, wait was it purple eyes? (since Clamp can't seem to get that right whether he's seen on TV or on pretty art) shining, as he takes the ring* I will! *flings arms around beloved, conveniently forgetting that said man killed sister and all that*
Seishirou: *whisks Subaru away to some island paradise right after he takes an ax and a can of Round Up to the Tree. There they have tequilas and screw each other day in and day out for the rest of eternity.*
Subaru: *is a happy uke for the rest of his life, as long as the supply of lube holds out*
The end.
Jess: *dabs eyes with hanky* That was beautiful.
Xan: *sniffles into tissue* I agree.

Notes: Okay be amused. Can you spot how many fandom cliches we poked fun at? No prizes for winning though, but go ahead, email ME if you know.